Dear friends and readers,

Last week I posted some country light hearted sayings and a bit of humor. My wife had been telling me for some time that folks out there in “reader-land” are just plain sick and tired of a diet of bad news every single night on the talking heads programs. So, as is the case for all good husbands I listened and obeyed (-:

Not too surprisingly the response on last weeks humor was great and told me she was right (as usual). Actually I was going back to MY basics this week with a very heavy article on this particular blog (I actually have three more, also published weekly) when the horror of Las Vegas struck America. So, first and foremost, my family and I are praying for all the victims of this evil senseless attack and particularly for the families of those who were slain.

Out of respect for the victims and as a country gent m’self, I decided to keep the atmosphere light again this week. So, for you country lovers here we go again.

Enjoy!

To know how country folks are doing look at their barns not their houses.

Never lay an angry hand on yer wife, kids or any animal. It just ain’t polite or helpful.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered not yelled.

Meanness don’t happen overnight. It grows overtime and is awful hard to shed.

Always dance with the one who brung you unless its kin.

How is it that a three pound cat can eat a four pound fish?

You can’t blame a worm for not wanting to go fishing.

Stumbling over the truth can break a heart.

Proud wife: My whole dinning room goes back to Louis XIV.
Neighbor: That’s nothin, my whole houseful of furniture goes back to Sears and Roebuck on the 15th!

A mom to little neighbor boy from the next ranch over: Are you sure you can cut your meat Johnny?
Johnny: Yep, the meats nearly always this tough in our house to.

Census taker from up the holler: What is your fathers income?
Son: About 3 a.m.
Census taker: I mean how much does he make each week?
Son: About 15 quarts.

A budget is a planned method of worrying.

Question from a neighbor: Do pastors talk in their sleep?
Wife of Pastor: No, they only talk in other peoples sleep.

Church board: The Pastor should change his name from Reverend to “Neverend”.

Teacher: Why would Shakespeare be a very remarkable man today?
Pupil: Because he would be over 300 years old?

Son: Dad can you write with your eyes shut?
Dad: Sure.
Son: Well, shut your eyes then and sign my report card.

Dad receives a letter from son in college:
Dear Dad, no mon, no fun, your son!
Return letter: Dear son, too bad, so sad  your dad.

When both the speaker and the audience are confused, the speech is profound!

Country preacher: Honey, how did my jokes go over?
Preachers wife: On the Mayflower!

A country Grani: Traded her vacuum sweeper for a telephone. Said she could pick up more dirt that way.

God made woman during mans first sleep. He hasn’t had any rest ever since.

Wife: “Time sure changes things”.
Husband: ” Yep, we got  married 20 years ago when we was both 25. Now I’m 45 and your only 30″?

Are all women shy about their age? Yes, about 10 years shy!

Country wife: I have an idea in my head.
Husband: Be kind to it, it’s a strange place to be.

Child: “Mom, there is a man at the door with a package marked C.O.D.”
Mom: “Tell him to take it back, I ordered salmon”.

Rancher to hired hand:  “Do you ride horses”?
Answer: “No I’m better off”!

Teacher: “If I saw a boy beating a donkey and stopped him, what would I be showing?”
Pupil: “Brotherly love”.

Americans have more time-saving devices and less time than anyone else on earth.

In this age of synthetics and substitutes, even the wool they pull over your eyes is half cotton.

Ode to our abode: Though we are the hosts in it, the bank owns most of it.

If you can’t act your age, don’t tell it.

Always getting into hot water will cook your goose.

Country boy: “What would you do in my shoes?”
Answer: “I’d shine them”.

You can stand behind a horse but don’t ever try that with a mule!

What you ain’t up on, your usually down on.

Husband: What would you do if I died and left you dear?
Wife: That depends on how MUCH you left me.

A good bargain: Firewood warms you twice. When you cut it and when you burn it.

COUNTRY FOLKS: Laugh when you laugh, cry when you cry, know when your sick and care when you die. To be country is to be family! Now’s the time for crying folks. For our country cousins in Las Vegas.

God bless folks and lets keep praying for all the victims of terror no matter where they are living.

Pastor Rance.

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